Not so Distinguished Gentlemen
Dorian “The Trashman” Colbert, Rosterwatch.com

I suppose the closer we get to the regular season, the more news of questionable behavior by the NFL’s players and proprietors will arise. If this week’s reports are any indicators, things might get a little weird this year.

-Jimmy Haslam, billionaire and new owner of the Cleveland Browns, has already left a stain on the franchise with fraud allegations made the FBI and IRS. Haslam’s travel center company Pilot Flying J, has apparently been involved in a scheme to keep money that was owed to customers as gas rebates. What’s particularly damaging is that there are documents that claim Haslam was fully aware of all goings on, so he can’t lay the blame squarely on his managers. The league should have suspected something was fishy about Haslam based on the the profession of his brother Bill, who is a politician, the Governor of Tennessee to be exact.

– In other less criminal, but more disgusting news, Yahoo reported that one of the rooms used by athletes at the most recent NFL Combine was left in shambles and smeared with excrement and urine, among other things. The room is said to have been used by Clemson WR DeAndre Hopkins and Rutgers WR Mark Harrison. Both players have said that they were checked out of the room before the damage took place, and deny involvement. The incident will probably not affect either player’s draft stock—Hopkins is a potential first rounder—but teams that don’t have proper potty training classes in effect may be hesitant about signing either in the wake of DookieGate.

– This last bit isn’t even criminal, outside of a purely educational standpoint, but top receiver prospect Tavon Austin reportedly scored a 7 out of 50 on the infamous Wonderlic test at this year’s Combine. The Wonderlic is proposed to test learning skills and problem solving. Though the exam is not exactly an indicator of future performance, Ryan Fitzpatrick scored a 48, it can give GMs some indication of the player’s ability to follow instruction and learn plays. But again, that relationship is plenty dubious, A.J. Green scored a 10 and Frank Gore got a 6.