Dolphins WR Mike Wallace “Doesn’t Understand” Gay People

Dolphins WR Mike Wallace “Doesn’t Understand” Gay People
Alex Dunlap, Rosterwatch.com

On the day the first active player in a major American sport came out of the closet, new Dolphins WR Mike Wallace went on to show why doing so—sadly—remains a true act of bravery in our culture.

Free Agent NBA center Jason Collins told Sports Illustrated he was black and he was gay. The “black” part was no surprise to anyone, and the “gay” part was no surprise to his family, according to the piece.

It must have surprised the pants off of Mike Wallace, though. (No Mike, we don’t mean that in a “gay” way.) Wallace took to Twitter with a tweet that was quickly deleted before a screenshot could be taken, but our good friend, @TwonYBAB was able to retweet the slur in time, along with his very noble opinion of Wallace’s antiquated, uneducated, simple-minded and horrible take on the subject:

Now, this could have been easy enough to “get out of” if Mike Wallace had anything but shit for brains. He was smart enough to remove the tweet. If he would have called his agent, there would have been numerous ways out without coming off as—well—a real shit-for-brains.

Any pencil-necked, life-sucking NFL agent would have been able to pass off to the general public that the statement was not about gays at all. The statement is as follows:

“All these beautiful women in the world and guys wanna mess with other guys SMH”

If I were his agent, I would say that this was a terrible misunderstanding. Mike is an advocate for gay rights and the words were taken out of context. I would have made up a story that Mike was responding to hearing about somebody getting cheated on by their wife.

Mike Wallace takes to Twitter, saying he can’t understand it. With so many women in the world, why would anyone mess with another guy’s? Why not just find a single woman and not wreck a marriage, a relationship of possibly a family?

This horrible misunderstanding took place because of a missing apostrophe. Mike feels awful, and would like to apologize for any trouble his oversight caused. He has learned a valuable lesson about making sure his points on social media are clear and concise, and as an agency, we are adding additional protocols to prevent this sort of thing happening in the future with any of our other clients.

How easy is that?

But no. Mike Wallace meant that he “shakes his head” thinking about two dudes doing the things that people in relationships do. Loving one another, being affectionate; enjoying life together—you know, the things that make life worth living and its experiences worth having.

We know because he shortly after delivered this apology.

He’s sorry. He just doesn’t understand.

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