Fat Bastards 2014 Dynasty Developmental College And Rookie Draft Recap – Part I
The San Diego Schmuck – Special to RosterWatch.com

.@BrandinCooks talks about returning to practice (VIDEO) http://t.co/qtsZtQLh8Q #Saints pic.twitter.com/Ull4nAn6Wa

— New Orleans Saints (@Saints) June 19, 2014

Note from managing editor Alex Dunlap: One of my favorite dynasty leagues is “Fat Bastards Dynasty” which is littered with industry experts and general fantasy and college football degenerates. Here, we lay out a very special four-part series written for a very special league in its MyFantasyLeague.com private message board by commissioner San Diego Schmuck. Please keep in mind that this league allows for the drafting of underclassmen in the rookie draft, so players such as Sammy Watkins, Mike Evans, Bishop Sankey and numerous others had been selected in the 15 college-devy eligible slots allowed to owners in the 2013 draft and these players have been on taxi squads for one year already.

ROUND 1

1.01 Mauve Avengers

Todd Gurley RB Georgia

Toph and the Avengers re-join Fat Bastards…and wasted no time in flipping the squad in his own vision by adding key players like AJ Green, Cordarrelle Patterson and DeMarco Murray in the off-season. And with the 1st overall pick of the league, the Avengers bring in College developmental prospect Todd Gurley from Georgia. Universally known as the No. 1 College Player on the planet….Gurley is expected to break the recent traditions of the NFL draft and actually crack the 1st round in 2015 Draft as a Running Back. Yes…hes that badass. Avengers are in good hands…and now have this young buck to look forward to in 2015.

1.02 ColourHaze

Brandin Cooks WR Saints

Talent…CHECK! Speed…TO BURN! Situation….BREES!! Desire….STEVE SMITH JR!

Boom-shackalacka!

Haze resists the urge to go Developmental and snags this young dynamo who ends up in a dream situation in New Orleans. Haze has the QB’s, now he needs to re-stock the positional players…and Cooks is a good start.

1.03 Shepherd

Eric Ebron TE Lions

Tall, dark, and sexy!!!! Im not talking about Ebron…I’m talking about Shepherd! Not sure if he’s tall or not…but either way, Ebron is!!! Ebron brings his freakish talents to Detroit in the high-powered offense that supposedly is going to begin to focus on the TE a bit more. Stafford is young, Calvin is a stud….so if Ebron can harness his skills, the sky is the limit!

1.04 Cincinnati Prancers

Carlos Hyde RB 49ers

Cincy gets 3 picks in a row after dealing Jimmy Graham’s expiring contract…and starts to add some talent to an already stacked roster. He begins with San Francisco’s Carlos Hyde. The Marcus Lattimore project is just that…a project. Kendall Hunter went from hype to shit. So a similarly stacked roster in the 49ers bring in Hyde to hopefully carry on the tradition of pounding the rock in SF. Gore has been the bedrock of the 9’er attack for years now…and it may just be time to pass the torch. Prancers hope that Hyde grabs it and takes off with it.

1.05 Cincinnati Prancers

Melvin Gordon RB Wisconsin

Next up for the Prancers?!? A 2015 stash in Melvin Gordon! He was NFL Draft eligible this year…and probably would have been the first RB off the board…but decided to head back to finish out his college career. Now it’s hold their breath time for both Cincy and Gordon’s parents…as if all things go right, he will be a starting NFL back in 2015. If things go wrong…then Gordon and his folks will be moving in with the Prancers and family!

1.06 Cincinnati Prancers

Kelvin Benjamin WR Panthers

Heading into the NFL draft, it was pretty obvious that whichever WR the Panthers drafted was probably going to be in the best immediate situation to make an impact. And the Panthers used their 1st round pick on 6′ 5″ behemoth Kelvin Benjamin. The Prancers followed suit and used a 1st round pick on this beast of a man. He’s a bit unproven as he really only played 1 season in the college spotlight…but Jameis Winston had no problem throwing him the ball, and he can’t even see!! He squints if you don’t know. Now you know! So Cam Newton shouldn’t have any problems heaving it and letting this man-child go up and get it.

1.07 Killer Instinct

Jordan Matthews WR Eagles

Jordan M!! (Distant) cousin to the great Jerry Rice….seems never to get the respect he deserves. Played in the tough SEC, every team knew he was the focal point of Vandy’s offense, and he STILL produced week in and week out. He produced cause he’s a high character, big-time work ethic dude. And he ends up in a dream offense in Chip Kellys high-octane system. There’s no double teams when playing against Philly’s offense…so Jordan should have plenty of room to make some noise for the Killer Instincts.

1.08 ColourHaze

Davante Adams WR Green Bay Packers

Fresno State baby! The Schmuck says thank you very much as an alum! Raiders rookie Derek Carr reached some national prominence the last few years, and a big reason for that…and maybe THE reason for that is Davante Adams. He has the want-to…and dude can play ball! The fact he’s going to Green Bay where Rogers is king doesnt hurt either!! Haze teams up Adams with Cooks to form a nice duo for team Colour.

1.09 Mauve Avengers

Mike Davis RB South Carolina

Imagine that! Mauve goes with a developmental prospect! Guess who led the SEC in rushing last year?? Hint… it’s Mike Davis, you fools. You know whats important to women? It’s not the length gents…its the GIRTH! And Mike Davis is very girthy! 5′ 9″ at 215 lbs? And he just doesn’t run through you…he can juke you out of your jocks, gentlemen. The Avengers unite Mike Davis with Todd Gurley to bring two of the top SEC RB’s to our little ol’ Fat Bastards league.

1.10 Hype Machines

Duke Johnson RB Miami

Hype gets in on the College Developmental prospect fun….and snags Miami RB Duke Johnson. El Duque almost cracked 1000 yards last year…in EIGHT games!! Johnson woulda had an amazing statistical year if he hadn’t snapped his Tibia. Reports are he’s healthy now and ready to rock. There’s been some big-time names at RB come out of Miami, and some scouts argue that Duke is better than all of them. Hype hopes so…so he can infuse this stick of dynamite to his roster in 2015.

1.11 Shepherd

TJ Yeldon RB Alabama

Remember Trent Richardson at Alabama? Well coaches, scouts, fantasy geeks..you name it…said, ok…you may leave now for the NFL Trent, cause this dude TJ is gonna help us forget all about you. Kid is tall for a RB! 6′ 2″! And if you watch him play on Saturdays…it doesn’t look like he’s running that fast, but if you look a few yards behind him…the entire defense is trying to catch up! He’s an athletic freak who is gonna be in the spotlight in a pro system at Alabama. He’s going to be battle-tested, and he’s going to be ready to join the Shepherds squad and help in the Shepherd’s five-year plan of being relevant again.

1.12 Schmucks

Amari Cooper WR Alabama

Ahhh…the Schmucks. The ugly ducklings that became the most powerful Swans in the river!! They shoot laser beams from their beaks! They are able to float without paddling their feet….they are amazing!! Oops…gotta little carried away. Back to the pick. A shit ton of Devs went in Round 1…but they were all RB’s! Sitting there – all forgotten…was Amari Friggin’ Cooper. He’s not 6′ 5″ and dominating! He’s not 5′ 7″ and juking fools out of their shoes. He’s a solid, well-rounded athlete who does pretty much everything right. And has just above-average athleticism to do something with all those fundamentals. He isn’t AJ or Julio…but a nice solid Roddy White-type. The Schmucks can use that with “SUCK MY BONG” Josh Gordon on their roster.

(stayed tuned for Part II of the series from the San Diego Schmuck which will analyze Fat Bastards’ second round of July dynasty action.)